Meaningful Connections

11 05 2017

Why we meet people? Some always stay and others don’t? Why some relationship create stress?

In this fast life which according to us is so well connected, we find everyone networking over social media, parties and clubs.  We talk and interact with many and at times we just scroll down our list of contacts on our smart phones and WhatsApp and …and … ‘No one’. Not even one? to share what you exactly feel like at this point. Then what about those 300 likes on Facebook, what about your recent date?

We all have got drawn towards this Instant friendship and with a device in hand feel we are connected. Then how do we have more meaningful people in our lives?

Geoffrey S. Fletcher an American screenwriter, film director quoted “It’s so easy today to get swept up in celebrity fixation and materialism and searching for some validation outside of yourself when we know it’s really found within and through meaningful connections with other people.”

So here I am introspecting, after a few heart breaks and fake relationships asking myself – Why we meet different people? Who to keep? And why some people will never be there for you?

The need to belong–to feel that you have people to turn to–is so basic but what circle you create around you will create you.  According to me a meaningful connection is about the positive or constructive energy existing between two people when there is an interaction have a feeling of appreciation, drive, value and look forward to share and reciprocate.

As you grow up you remember all those people who contributed to your life and made a positive difference. You exactly have to think the same, meeting new people will add to your experience, but making right ones you close network will help you to build positive life and it matters a lot.  I often see people being described or labeled by their family and friends and because you believe in your close ones you believe what they say. This can lead you to think too high or too low about yourself. It is thought important to network as it’s a fact that with strangers, we’re often freer and more expressive than we are at home, where loved ones tend to typecast us. We can stretch ourselves with acquaintances and move beyond familiar roles. It’s better to be alone then being with wrong people around.

Here is the key takeaway:

  • Invest more time into fewer relationships.
  • Don’t worry about being nice, good relationship is where you can be comfortable and be respected for who you are.
  • Strike off the names which make you feel low, miserable, and helpless or put you down.
  • Add people who give you more constructive outlook of world and from where you can learn.Being-Alone-Makes-You-Lonely
  • Absorb the good qualities that inspire you.
  • Don’t hurry to decide, discover people from their acts in different situations and decide your limits with close ones who typecast you and don’t have your worth. (Distance makes life easy at times.)
  • Never say good bye to old ones who you think are like minded. Be in touch through social sites or phone calls.
  • Creating an inner circle this isn’t an overnight job or by collecting thousands of them on social site. You have to put real effort into it, spending time learning about people and being there for them where you can. It’s not just what they can do for you, but also what you can do for them. As I said meaningful connection is valuing each other.

Unquestionably, the greatest assets we have in life are our relationships. Whether those are personal or professional, good relationships make our lives meaningful and so do real people.





A HAPPY MARRIAGE IS NOT A COMPROMISE WITH SELF- RESPECT

13 06 2016

For all the young married or going to be married women , in laws and grooms (prospective grooms).

Sometime it just pains. I know it’s gone, Its no more but even the glimpse of those memories makes my heart bleed again. It pains and takes away my presence from me and pushes me back to that feeling where I feel chocked, broken. Why the hell, I just forgive?

I know it broke me. It broke each and every thing in me. My way of life, my positivity, my innocence, my dreams, feelings but it’s over. I fought it. I am done with it. I have left it behind. Most important it made me Iron strong. I fear nothing anymore, then why I can just delete it. It bothers and I can’t express what I go through even now.

I blame one thing for all this drama, we Indian girls have been trained with the mindset of taking any shit that life gives, whether we deserve it or not. We are conditioned to believe that it our sole responsibility to save marriage even if it meant compromising on self-respect. (After all they are parents of someone you got married to.)

I was asked to keep quiet by my husband for the sake of maintaining relationships. I tried keeping everybody happy at the cost of my own happiness. I was told that my biggest strength could be being submissive. But now I knows that it is not strength. It became my weakness.

Had it been on the day one I would have stood up for myself, the day I would have put my foot down and shown my level and where I belong, I would have not gone through whole of this rucks of life.

Easily said things, ‘You are strong’, ‘Never say why me’. But I still wonder ‘Why Me?’ I was absolutely straight forward, balanced with site of home and career, good natured, self-relying, and dependable and reasonably in a category of good looking. Then why me?

I wish to forgive but I can’t. You all are guilty in my eyes, I may never find respect for you. But I want to forgive because I want my peace of mind back. I want to finish this unending self-misery.

May be it will end with the answer to this ‘Why Me?’

But ya, would like thank god for giving me most loving and fiercely protective parents. Normally if anybody pointed a finger at me, my parents would have showed them their worth. My mom and my brother brought back my self-confidence which I had lost completely with constant mental harassment that I had gone through.

I have taken some drastically bold steps in life to change my situations. I have paid huge cost of it. Most of the girls lack this confidence. I have not quit my marriage which looked easy way out at times. But I have really fought my insecurities and fears.

So I have a request:

Husbands: If you are cowards, please join your hands and ask the girl to leave with all her dignity and respect by admitting that I can go around trees and sing like hero but I don’t have balls to stand for what is right. Or Have stands and support your girl if she is really right.

In Laws – No one was born to impress you. You have not invested a single minute or single penny in bringing us up. We can earn our breads. We have been nurtured with love by our parents. So respect us and understand we are fucking humans like your own child is. We wish to receive real love and give it back to you.

OR

Just admit we are useless and never wish to improve as you have come in our house, we are here to fuck you happiness to keep ourself secured and happy. Save yourself if you can. We are getting our son married because we need full time robotic maid and my son is growing older.

Parents – Please support your daughter. Don’t just leave her alone to fight. Be her strength or she will set a wrong example buy just surrendering her belief in fairytales and good deeds that you once told her.

Girls – Stand for what is right, come out of your comfort zone for it. If you have got parent like in-laws feel blessed and respect them. Adjust and but don’t compromise on your self-respect.

And I know, I am not only one with this kind of experience. Some say ‘How did you survive it?’, others may say they had worst. But why is my question.

wedding-planner-in-india





Peace is in me and not in the place…

2 09 2015

Away from the house— the morning blues, cooking, cribbing, complains, misunderstandings,  lessons plans, office, trains, phone calls, meals, dishes, fights, toxic people and loved once.de5243f3a65a3c9be8e0baaf134a24a6

I craved a retreat and here I am today 1203 miles away from everything that I was fed up with.

I had been longing for this, it had wild imaginations like being alone in woods, sitting by beach side all alone, staying in tree house. I needed PEACE and HAPPINESS.

I held the tickets in my hands, lip trembling, tears streaming. PEACE. How could I find it? I had to find it. That is why I have to be out, out here. What if I don’t manage finding it even after being away…? No definitely I will… These thoughts ran down just entering the International Airport.

Today is my 13th day here and yes realising the fact of life ‘Peace is in me and not in place’. I had to be done. I had to be done mentally with the wrong and end it. I had to not compromise it but finish its existence. I had to learn loving myself and start saying ‘No’. I had to become selfish only in terms of keeping my happiness as my priority. This land or that I had to learn living for myself and just let the toxic unwanted stuff, thoughts, worries and people go. I had to finish their existence in my life mentally first.

I had to learn, love and live being myself. Work toward my family goals and professional attainments. If I need and want something I had to get it as I work towards it. Say no, and get out of the situation, if you can! If you can’t, then do everything you can to love and care for yourself in the situation. Practice tons of self-love.

Now first is I have to forgive myself…once I am done with this I will be a t peace.

I forgive myself for anything I’ve felt, or that I might have done or said that wasn’t in my highest being or for my or their highest benefit. I forgive myself for temporarily letting the situation allow me to forget who I truly am. Forgiving ourselves is a necessary part of the forgiveness process. We free ourselves from being stuck in the conditions that created the situation when we release through forgiveness. I offer gratitude for what blessings, benefits and growth I’ve received. I find as many things I can be grateful for about the person or place as possible.





Menstrual-Taboos: Logical or Illogical tolerance?

4 09 2014

Question on my mind is – If Men Could Menstruate, Would the taboos still exist?

– Feminist, Activist, Writer, Educator, Academician, Traveler.

Being an educator, I intentionally/unintentionally influencing a lot of young minds. If I have to present a topic of ‘Taboos’ I would like to give all the facts and say that it’s their personal choice whether to follow them or not. It concerns me to see in most cases, the youth today; started believing thing because they are emphasized by religion or are hammered in minds by parents and society. I believe my social responsibility is very high on these subjects; I therefor would only promote people and young once to have scientific insight on matters by asking “Why, How, For What….”. And make their own opinion on these matters.

One day, around when I was on vacations to cousins place I discovered this strong notion of girls sitting aside during their periods. After entering my cousin’s house, I noticed my cousin sister sitting alone in her room. I did not think much of it at first, but when she continued to stay in her room alone throughout the day’s ceremony, the subsequent meal, I was curious and inquired my mother about why my sister had not participated in the activities with the family for the entire afternoon and evening. “She’s on with her period”, my mom said, “and one according to our religion has to sit aside.” Mom could make out the discomfort and unlike towards it the system. The thought croped up – “Am I so dirty during my period that even God who has given me life of a women would want me to stay away?”

Years later, I being married into a traditional family faced the same dilemma. Could not digest the fact that young educated woman and men around me had that same orthodox belief, without questioning.

Hippocrates. They want to wear latest fashion; they talk about women’s empowerment; they talk about modern women power and role. They all want their wife’s to be reasonably logical, educated and worth presenting and one day make them proud fathers by giving birth to their child. On other hand treat women like untouchables because of a monthly biological process which is must for being fertile.

Periods are not unhealthy. What’s unhealthy is raising girls to believe that their body is a curse. Instead of feeling blessed about how periods mean that a woman’s body is ready to give the most beautiful gift in the world, the gift of life.

Sadly, many of the educated women who still contribute to the tabooing of menstruation and the process of shaming and embarrassing young girls on its account. We still do not take our ability to menstruate as a pride.

While being curious about the topic and being in a phase of research on the It, I was surprised to read that the rituals around menstruation have been the same across the globe, be it Native America, Europe, Africa, Australia or Asia. (Followed in past.)

Let’s talk logic now…let_s-break-the-vicious-circle-of-menstrual-tabboo1

I never found any original scripts talking about taboos, but they had something logical.

A woman’s body goes through 4 stages in one menstrual cycle, just as we go through 4 seasons in a year. (The information presented below is a combination of content I borrowed from different sources mentioned at the end of this blog.)

Week 1: Menstruation (Days 1-7) – Begins with the first day of bleeding (it should ideally be a new moon). Within hours of starting your period, your estrogen levels will slowly begin to rise and you will tend to feel a shift from the heaviness or ‘PMS’ of the days before. This is considered a process of cleansing and removal of all negative thoughts and emotions. Many women, including me, have noticed that on the first few days of our periods, we feel an urge to suddenly clean our homes and remove all the clutter from our closets- and our lives. Our natural biological cleansing is accompanied by a psychological cleansing as well. This is the time when women feel the need to go inward and be silent and contemplative.

 Week 2: Pre-Ovulation (Days 7-14) – This is the phase soon after the period when most women feel at their energetic best. The steady increase in estrogen boosts your brain’s serotonin levels, which leads to an increase in energy, enthusiasm and a more upbeat feeling overall. This phase is considered ideal to kick off new projects or creative work.

Week 3: Ovulation (Days 14 – 21) – This is the phase of Ovulation, where women are apparently more physically attractive than on other days, and are more attracted to others. This is the time in our cycle when we need to be connecting to people and relaxing in our outside world. It can also be a time of vulnerability, and it is important that we keep ourselves grounded and be mindful about our actions.

Week 4: Pre-menstruation (Days 21 – 28) – On the other side of ovulation, you’ll feel the effects of decreasing estrogen and testosterone and increasing progesterone. Progesterone is the ‘ebb’ to estrogen’s ‘flow’. It will increase your desire to move inward, like the waning moon. Research shows greater activity in the right hemisphere of the brain – the part associated with intuitive knowing – in weeks 3 and 4 of your cycle. Always trust your intuition. But pay especially close attention to it in the second half of your cycle!

The crankiness, impatience or annoyance so infamously called Premenstrual Syndrome that we may experience in the last two weeks of our cycle, is really more about the feelings you have because you are not flowing with what your body really wants you to do.

If we are as passionate about women empowerment as we say we are, then we need to open our eyes. We do still need to fight against prominent threats to women, such as rapes and infanticide, but we also need to realize that some of the biggest battles lie inside our own homes.

Thanks to number of sources and sits –

http://menstrupedia.com/blog/impurity-of-women-in-the-land-of-goddess/

http://mythrispeaks.wordpress.com/2014/03/26/menstrual-taboos-and-ancient-wisdom/

http://mythrispeaks.wordpress.com/2014/05/30/unwrapping-the-gifts-of-menstruation/

http://www.sanskritimagazine.com/ethical_living/why-religious-tolerance-isnt-good-enough/

http://www.composedvolcano.com/wp/sexataboo/

http://www.menstruation.com.au/periodpages/mooncycles.html





Out Of Limits

10 10 2013

I am a day dreamer. I think about most beautiful memories which I wish to live. I dream about success, love and adventure and suddenly get chills? I do that, every day. I think of my future self giving inspirational speeches, or sometimImagees think about myself on stage, sometimes I dream about being in most elegant outfit and stepping out of elongated car, I dream of being the most responsible and efficacious wife and Mother. I dream – BIG. And I force myself to do so every day.

You see, dreaming is good, because it makes you move forward. It creates ambition. It makes you want to be the best you can be.

I see myself being successful at a very young age, and living a dream life, wherever that takes me. This is what keeps me going, and I try to push of limit. I think this is important if you ever want a dream job, a happy life, or a successful start-up.

Important thing is to get out of  comfort zone. Doing nothing and dreaming will land up no where.

 

Dream of owning a beautiful palace like house,Each corner with elegance and expresses creative sense.

Dream of being ultimate to my own people .

Dream of being helpful to one who needs.

Dream of being calm, composed and contented.





Eyewitness News Report

10 10 2013

Lead the students to investigate the history. Make interview questionnaire, Interview eyewitness and then report event.

Master Heer Shah has conducted a short interview of eyewitness of event and is presenting it as a reporter.





Where will you find god?

18 03 2013